I read
this post earlier this spring wherein the author, an observant Jewish woman, was gently expressing her consternation with the Passover preparation rules. The post stayed with me for two reasons. First, she describes the unleavened bread as 'matza, the bread of both freedom and affliction,' a phrase which I don't ever recall, and yet spoke to me as a Catholic who recalls that Jesus' Last Supper was this paschal meal and one that we recall everyday throughout the world at every Mass whether it's celebrated by His Holiness at St. Peter's Basilica, or by an elderly priest, solemnly and alone in his cell in the monastery. Yes! That bread frees us! We suffer affliction for that bread. Yes!
The second reason the post stayed with me is because she was voicing the same feelings I've had when challenged by God to follow Him and be obedient even though I may not see the rationality or the sense. After law school, I joked that I had complete freedom to go wherever the Army sent me. By extension, I had complete freedom to go wherever my husband was stationed [and it's sort of funny to note that my Biblical namesake also had to go 'wither thou goest' and follow her husband's family into foreign terrain]. I recalled the story of
Israel Jacob, renamed
Jacob Israel, because he wrestled with God. How many wrestling matches have I had with our Lord? Millions, no doubt. But the big one that I really recall as an all-out fight was
the one over contraception. This wasn't the esoteric, intellectual battle either; this was the one happening in my medicine chest. I gave it my all and then I gave in and I gave it over to God. And what has been given in return? Peace. Unity. Joy. I couldn't have gotten any of those, however, without the wrestling match. I don't think I would've gotten to that place without the struggle and the submission of my will to His.
3 comments:
I'm honored that my post, written with the assumption that no non-Jew could ever identify with it, made an impression.
Israel was Yakov's name AFTER his wrestle with the angel; Israel MEANS struggle with God. That's why Jews are always questioning and always unsettled; it's in our genes.
Are you suggesting that peace, unity and joy would have been unattainable had you not given your decision over to God?
The Ethics of the Fathers says: Who is a wealthy man? He who is content with his portion. Or maybe a better translation: he who REJOICES in his portion. I have a difficult time reconciling rejoicing in my portion and the ongoing struggle. When I told my rabbi about this, he smiled, and said, "Struggle, my dear, is what being Jewish is all about." Aarrgghhh!!
NL: Thanks for the correction. As is often the case in Biblical folks, the name changes when something else changes [Sarai to Sarah, Saul to Paul, Simon to Peter], and, as is also often the case, I goofed.
I think peace, unity, joy are a few of what we call 'fruits of the Holy Spirit' and they do require the effort, the struggle, the submission. Peace is that gift 'which surpasses all understanding' and so, yes, it comes after struggle and beyond our understanding. There may be placidity, quiet and such without a struggle, but I think some of those fruits come only after a season of toil. In this case, the toil is our own personal struggle. But God loves us in those hard-fought battles. That we struggle reaffirms our free will. And that we submit after exhausting our whole willful self is a gift to God. Perhaps we strugglers are his special thoroughbred racers. We can only run to our fullest extent when we are --not broken down-- but our will is broken and we choose to accept the rider's rein. [and reign?]
In the Catholic church, the people who are in the struggle give me the greatest hope. There are those who do not struggle and conform only out of fear of retribution, to God's will; and there are those who do not struggle and simply go their own way [sometimes called 'cafeteria Catholics' who pick and choose what they'll follow]. There's something very special about the struggle and those who engage in it. Their desire to love and serve God with their whole selves is an intrinsic part of the struggle.
One more thought...humans can only get "credit" when we do wrong. If we do what's right, ie what God wants, or get anything good/wonderful, we credit it to God, or God's willingness to let us do or have it. God's always right; humans doing what HE inclines us to do, can only falter.
(I may be incoherent; I'm listening to my fave radio show as I write...) Shabbat Shalom!
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