On October 7, 2003, I sent out this email to family and friends:
Hello, Prayer Warriors!
What a difference a week makes in the lives of such little ones. Annie, who last week was a big Stay-Puf Marshmallow girls has done beautifully--tolerating the new jet ventilator, diuresing [peeing] off the excess fluid, tolerating small, but increasing amounts of breast milk, bringing the bowels on line [her stooling looks like a newborn breastfed baby should]. She looks 200% better to me and I consider it all so miraculous. Yesterday, they did another echocardiogram and the time is ripe to have her PDA ligation surgery. As things stand now, she will undergo the surgery sometime on Wednesday, October 8th. Keep all her doctors, nurses and therapists in your prayers, too.Mary Jo has been our little prodigy. She "graduated" to the Intermediate Care Nursery and is moving along on her ESP program, as I call it--eat, sleep and poop. Yesterday during my visit, I was able to offer her the first bottle she ever had. She took 6 ccs from Mama and it tired her out. She got the rest of her feed via the tube, but I cannot tell you how delightful it was to finally do mom stuff for my daughter. Her recent brain scan shows the bruise on the brain is slowly going away and that the ventricles are not enlarged. Again, the issue with that is the long-term affect on the brain from having had such a large bruise. Won't know about that 'til later on, so keep praying. We are all doing fine, albeit overcoming a little bit of a cold. Big Brother Zeke got to go to the fair this weekend and see the barnyard animals he has been reading about in "Moo, Baa, La La La". It was so good to do "normal" with the family. You'd be amazed at how many sets of girl twins I ran into...of course, when you're driving a new Honda it's amazing how many new Hondas you notice on the road! We are eternally grateful for your interest, prayers, and sacrifices. Every one of them "counts" to God. Please continue to keep our daughters in your prayers and sacrifices and all the babies [intra- and extra-uterine]. I am continually reminded when I see my girls that "where there is life, there is hope." They are alive and we remain FULL of hope. Love-- Ruth Anne Adams :)
What was happening: in the week since the last NICU Journal prayer request, I had hit bottom. I was completely frustrated, completely at wit's end, completely exhausted and unable to pray. I was punch-drunk from the fight and was searching for help. During this time, our dear friends were travelling to the Vatican and had a personal [I mean get your photo taken with him] audience with Pope John Paul II. My friend assured me she lit candles and prayed for the girls in every shrine in Europe. At home, I was quite frustrated with David. He seemed, to me, to be unengaged in this battle. I challenged him and he assured me that he was right here with me in the middle of it. In dark times, he always prays for God's will to be done. I asked him, "Honey, what if God's will involves us picking out a little white coffin for Annie?" And yet, me asking that question of him forced me to abandon my will and seek God's.
One of the doctors who was finishing her neonatology fellowship [3 years in addition to her pediatrics specialty] told us much later that when she left Annie at the end of her shift Friday, she was unsure that Annie would survive. When she returned on Monday for her next shift, she was certain that Annie had died because the baby in that spot was completely different. This was our dark week in the NICU and, while many struggles laid ahead, this is when Annie fully received the grace to continue living.
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